🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?